Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Out of the Body and Out of This World

Ken Ham, David Barton, and James Dobson were all seriously injured when the small plane in which they were surveying Ham’s reconstructed Ark crashed into the Ark, destroying it. While the doctors struggled to save their lives they were all transported to the Pearly Gate, where they each sought admission to heaven. The screener politely asked them to be seated until it was determined if they were going to stay or if this were only an out-of-body visitation. Meanwhile they would be interrogated, one by one.

First, Ken Ham was asked why he should be allowed to enter the Realm of Truth and Light.

“Because,” he said, “I was a defender of the Bible. I insisted that every word was literally a word from God, accurate scientifically, historically, theologically, and in every other way. I even built a replica of Noah’s Ark to prove that it could hold all the creatures on earth at the time of the flood. Sadly that has just been destroyed but I believe the building of that alone should give me access to the Realm of Truth and Light.”

“Not ‘that alone’,” replied the screener. “The only thing that qualifies you to enter the Realm of Truth and Light is faith in Jesus Christ. That and that alone!”

“Ah yes,” Ken Ham replied, “and I believe that too.”

“Because your faith in Christ is added to your faith in all your theories,” the screener said, “you’ll not be admitted now. You must return to your wounded body and resume your life and work. But before you leave here I want to show you the result of your work so far.”

The screener opened a book revealing a blank page.

“What is this?” Ken asked.

“This is the complete record of all the souls your theories have put on the road to heaven.” the screener said. “You see, nowhere were you taught that believing the Bible is the criterion for salvation. The greatest evangelistic expansion of the Church was accomplished by men who led people to faith in Christ before the Bible, as you know it, was even in existence. When I see you next time, Mr. Ham, I want this page to be full of the names of those you’ve introduced to Christ and Christ alone as savior of their soul.”

The screener turned to David Barton, asking him why he should be allowed to enter the Realm of Truth and Light.

“Because,” Mr. Barton said, “I have written numerous books and given thousands of speeches proving that the founding fathers of the United States of America were Godly men who created a Christian nation. I have almost single-handedly kept America from slipping away from God into apostasy. Nearly half of the candidates for President of the United States (those that are Republicans) swear by the accuracy of my histories.”

“Yes,” the screener said, “we are aware of your writings and your speeches. We are also aware, here in the Realm of Truth and Light, of the facts which you conveniently omitted in making your case for the Christian nature of the founding fathers and the nation they built.”

“But every word I quoted was actually spoken or written by the founders,” Barton protested.

“David,” the screener chided, “You don’t take me for a fool do you?”

“No.” David said, meekly.

“You too, must return to your broken body and continue your work. So far your praise of the founding fathers and the nation they built has not resulted in a single soul coming to the Realm of Truth and Light. When we see you here next time we want to know that you have lifted up the One who said, ‘If I [not any nation or kingdom or system of government] am lifted up, I will draw all men to myself.’ And you might consider revision of your ‘histories’ to make them accurate historically.”

The screener turned to Dr. Dobson. “Why sir,” he asked, “should you be allowed to enter the Realm of Truth and Light?”

“Oh,” Doctor Dobson replied, “I have devoted hundreds of hours of broadcast time to defending the American family against the onslaught of liberal forces who were attempting to destroy it. I’ve built a network of political connections that have helped to elect Godly men to public office. I’ve fought against abortion, and gay rights, and homosexual marriage, and a host of other evils that are destroying the American way of life.”

“Come here, Dr. Dobson,” the screener said. “I want you to see the list of those who’ve come to the Realm of Truth and Light because of the message you have preached all these years.” He fanned through a thick book of empty pages. “If I were to show you the book listing those who were driven away from the Truth because of your angry, condemning message, you would be surprised and appalled.”

“I thought I was serving Christ by all that I did,” Dobson protested.

The screener replied, “Christ Jesus himself said, ‘The son of man came not to condemn the world, but that the world, through him, might be saved.’” The screener closed the empty book. Handing it to Dr. Dobson, he said, “When you return this book should be full. With the resources you have at your disposal, millions upon millions should be able to hear that God loves them so much, regardless of the kind or magnitude of their sins, that He sent his Son to die for them. That, Mr. Dobson, is the Gospel the world needs to hear.

All three men survived their surgeries, though each with a certain amount of disability to show for the ordeal they had been through. And each wrote a book about his “out-of-body” experience in heaven and the wonderful reception he had received while there. Ken Ham rebuilt the Ark, grander and sturdier than before. Barton has served as Secretary of Education under three consecutive Republican presidents. Dobson now resides in Washington, D.C. where he heads a successful think tank – consisting of Ham, Barton, and Dobson – working on amendments to all the state constitutions banning abortion, stripping homosexuals of all civil rights, and mandating that schools adopt textbooks written by Ham, Barton and Dobson.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please feel free to leave a comment. Comments are moderated and will appear as soon as possible after posting. Follow these steps:
1. Write your comment
2. Select a profile
(Anonymous or Name works best)
3. Select Preview
4. Sign word verification
5. Select Post Comment